How to prepare for France

I wanted to thank you all for your support following my last post. I hope I didn't come across as having a pity-party, because that wasn't at all the intent. I just wanted to share with you some of the struggles and the behind-the-scenes, as well as to thank all of you for continuing to follow along. You all really do rock.

You also offer great inspiration. A dear, dear friend of ours who has previously lived in France told me a while ago that I should write a post about how to prepare people who are moving to (or even visiting) France. I don't claim to be any kind of an expert, since we did this rather on a wing and a prayer, but I felt like I could scrounge up some tips. Some things have been at the forefront of my mind lately, since B's parents just visited, and mine will be here in a few weeks.

So you want to know how to prepare for a trip in France? Here goes:

1. Let your dog do his/her business in your backyard for several days without picking it up. Practice power-walking through the backyard while avoiding the piles. Bonus points if you can do it while talking on the phone or otherwise distracted.

2. Climb up and down the stairs at your home/office until your quads burn. Then do it some more. Then just a few more flights, just for fun. You'll be ready for several major monuments/tourist attractions. Just ask my mother-in-law.

3. Find a telephone booth (if such a thing even exists anymore). Mime washing your hair and body until you can do it without bruising your elbows. Then time yourself until you can do it in 5 minutes or less before the hot water runs out. This is preparation for surviving our shower.

4. Find someone with a selfie stick. Attempt to take pictures of things while they repeatedly jump in your way. You lose points if you slap them, but gain points if you manage to capture your intended image without them in it.

5. If you partake of alcoholic libations, especially wine, practice drinking out of Dixie Cups. If you can find one, a thimble works even better.

6. Coffee, ditto.

No, but seriously...

7. Wait until you get hungry. Then go sit at a table and wait for 30 minutes for someone to acknowledge your presence. Then wait 30 more minutes for your food. Pretend that isn't your stomach making those awful alien growling noises. Try to restrain your hanger.

8. Don't use your dishwasher, clothes dryer or air conditioning for a week. Or ever. And remove a leg from your washing machine so it walks all over the kitchen. Loudly.

9. Download a recording of drunken youth screaming, singing and/or fighting (there has to be something on the Internet). Set it up on a timer to play several times throughout the night. The longer it takes you to fall back asleep, the more points you lose.

10. Forget all the previous rules, because the minute your plane touches down at Charles de Gaulle, you'll already be in love with this crazy and amazing country.

Now - fellow Francophiles, is there anything I've forgotten? Feel free to leave a comment with any other preparation tips you think my parents (and other visitors) might need!

xoxo,
E